Dear Mrs. R – An Advice Series for Women of All Ages
I am so excited to bring you another installment of Dear Mrs. R. I truly value all of my readers and your support has been amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
In an effort to protect my readers privacy, I will refer to only a First Name and Last Initial when posting to Dear Mrs. R. So, please do not worry about your confidentiality as it will be protected. That’s my promise to you! Also, I will not publish any question without the express permission of my readers.
This week I chose a question from Paulette S.., Paulette asks:
Dear Mrs. R, I wrote in hoping you could help settle a little conflict my daughter and I are having at the moment. You see, my daughter has just turned 19 years old and is getting ready to start college. I’m having a heard time with a decision she has made to no longer wear a bra. That is where the conflict comes in.
I can’t imagine not wearing a bra myself for all the reasons my mother drilled into my head when I was growing up. I also passed those same reasons down to my daughter and now she is going against everything I taught her.
She tells me that it has become acceptable and it’s all the rage with her friends. She also tells me that she has always hated wearing a bra but did so to appease me. But, now she simply refuses. She is of average built and wears an average “B” cup. Suffice to say, she’s not one of those girls that can easily get away with it without it being noticeable.
I told her that in my day when a woman didn’t wear a bra they were considered easy or trashy and I don’t want her to have to deal with that kind of stigma at the age of 19. Not to mention, the repercussions she could face as she gets older.
Also, there are times when we are together shopping or having lunch that I’m a little embarrassed by the tops she chooses to go braless in.
What is your opinion about this new trend? Please tell me it’s just a phase, please.
Hold on a minute, I just need to take this off …. ahhh … that’s better the girls needed to breathe a bit. Okay?!
This post contains affiliate links to products I recommend. However, I have not personally used them because based on the study below I should stick to the traditional version. Read on to find out why …
It’s really nice to hear from you! We haven’t spoke in a little while and it’s so nice to see you’re back!
I have to chuckle a little bit here mainly because I’m so glad I don’t have a daughter lol. I know we would be having this same little conflict lol. However, it’s my job to be fair and look at all sides of the issue, right?
I remember when I was 16 and tube tops became all the rage. You remember tube tops, right? Well, there was no way you could wear a bra while wearing a tube top and look cool. One day, my grandmother and I were going to the grocery store. Just before we left she asked me, ‘You are going to put a bra on right?’ She went on to say, “it just doesn’t look ladylike.’ I was embarrassed because I looked up to my grandmother and felt that I disappointed her. But, out of respect I went to change before we left. That feeling still resonates with me today. I didn’t want her to think I was unladylike because that’s not how I was raised.
With that being said, your daughter has reached adulthood. She is capable of making her own life decisions. However, your job as a mother is to ensure her that if she is having difficulties in life she can always come to you for support and guidance. Don’t you agree?
It could very well be just a phase … a fashion trend set by Millennials much like mid-drift tops and bell bottom jeans were in our day. P.S. my Momma hated mid-drift tops lol. But, in an effort to support her decision, I would guide her to understand there are times when you can and can’t go braless. For example, a sheer top without a bra could be translated as unladylike as the tatas would clearly be visible. Showing up to a family event in such a manner could be a little controversial.
In situations such as the example above, I would suggest a bralette, another Millennial trend. It would offer just enough coverage that the sheer top would now look trendy, comfortable and acceptable. Another thing that seems to be popular with Millennials are sports bras. In fact, Millennials seem to be driving a trend for both bralettes and sports bras, so much so, that Forever 21 and Victoria’s Secret have jumped on the bandwagon.
Now I’m going to debunk the old myth our mothers taught us about how not wearing a bra will have its repercussions as we grow older. Jean-Denis Rouillon, a professor at the University of Franche-Comté in Besançon, conducted a 15 year study involving 300 women between the ages of 18 to 35. He concluded that:
‘Women who didn’t wear bras developed more muscle tissue to provide natural support.’
Professor Rouillon also went on to state:
‘Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra.’
In an interview with Reuters, he stated:
‘But a middle-aged woman, overweight, with 2.4 children? I’m not at all sure she’d benefit from abandoning bras.’
Well, there you have it, Paulette. There are other options to the traditional bra and going braless shouldn’t have much of an impact as she grows older. So, in my opinion give her space to ‘let her freak flag fly’ and you will probably notice in time that this is just a trend that will most certainly be replaced by another. xo
If you have a question you would like me to address, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. I will do my very best to give you a well researched answer and hopefully together we can come up with a solution. There are no questions too big or too small!
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See you in the comments,